When the subject of my mother arose in the past, I had nothing good to say. My mind was filled with a backlog of childhood memories of a mother who rarely acted in my best interests. How could I honor my mother when she caused a lot of grief and trauma to me?

Instead of honoring my mother, I spent my life retelling the stories of abuse, manipulation, or neglect when I was asked about the woman who gave birth to me.

A Pawn Who Lost the Battle Between My Parents

My mom left my dad when I was two years old, which left him to raise three small children on a minimum-wage job in the 1960s. When she did show back up several years later and demanded visitation, I gave her a chance to prove her good intentions. In retrospect, nothing she did appeared to have any purpose except to ruin my life.

Over the years, my thoughts about her hardened into an image of an evil cartoon villain who weaponized her children against her ex-husband.

The Impossible Commandment?

In 2023, the Lord took me on a journey that brought me face-to-face with His spirit and this verse:

 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.  Exodus 20:12 KJV

The word honor in the Old Testament has several forms coming from one common root word. The word is often ascribed to God or individuals whose deeds warrant honor. In this case, the word means:

to honour, adorn, glorify, be high (Strongs H1921)

 But, the word in Exodus referring to the fifth commandment is only the root word, which literally means :

to be heavy, be weighty, be grievous, be hard, be rich, be honourable, be glorious, be burdensome, be honoured  (Strongs H3513)

While I am not a Hebrew scholar, that definition should resonate with parents. This includes:

• Parents who did the job well
• Parents who didn’t even try
• Parents who did a poor job

Even the best parents will tell you how their perceived failures in this area can still haunt them.  The responsibility and weight of being a parent is heavy by nature.

When God created Adam and Eve, he vested them with an important part of His creation abilities. While we cannot create a universe, we can create eternal life in the form of children. If that does not meet the definition of heavy, I do not know what would.

How Honoring My Mother Became Possible

My journey to understanding the fifth commandment began on Thanksgiving Day 2023. In a conversation with friends while playing cards, someone casually told a story from their childhood and dropped the “mom bomb.”

In keeping with my longstanding tradition of telling my woes, I chimed in with one of my “Mom” horror stories. That’s when it happened! The Lord spoke to me so loudly, I was surprised I was the only one who heard it. He said, “Stop telling that story!”

I obeyed immediately, but it provoked a season of prayer as to why? 

Why God Would Not Let Me Talk

It was not long before he revealed to me the story was a lie, or at least a twisted version of the facts. I realized that the ‘facts’ became a little less accurate with every remembrance. In the telling and retelling, I was allowing her mistakes to become a part of my identity. Sadly, I proudly wore my victim status like a badge of honor.

While I had forgiven my mother decades ago, what I failed to realize was that I was still breaking one of His commandments. After this revelation, I heard a sermon on how we bring curses upon ourselves by our own words. One of the examples given was failing to honor your father and mother. 

To me, this instruction was confusing, so I asked God, “How do I honor someone who brought so much pain and misery into my life?” 

The Lord was quick to answer this, “How do you not honor someone who gave you life?”

The Truth That Made Me Free 

As tough as my life story felt, without my mother and father, there would be no story to tell. Finally, I asked the question I should have been asking all along. “Lord, how do you see my mother?”

The truth He revealed felt like warm rays of a sunrise. My mother, too, had a hard life with less-than-stellar parents. She was overwhelmed with motherhood after bringing three children into the world. And yes, her choices on how to deal with it were catastrophic. Once I considered her story, my heart began to soften.

Some spend their entire lives not knowing anything about their parents. After showing me His view of my mom, He revealed that His spirit protected me through it all. With a fresh view, I could see His hand on me through all my dumb decisions, rebellious ways, and selfish actions.

Honoring My Mother and Redemption

I would love to tell you about a happy ending that includes a great reunion with my mother. Unfortunately, my mother passed away long ago before my revelation. There was no real reconciliation. So empty was our relationship that when she passed, I did not even attend the funeral.

Even though it would appear too late to many, the Lord never leaves us without a path to redemption. The Holy Ghost is renewing my memories because I asked the Lord to show me how he saw my mother. 

Life After the Correction

I now avoid thinking about or telling terrible stories about my mom. Interestingly, as I have allowed the Lord to heal my memories and have begun obeying the commandment to honor my mother, the Lord has resurrected long-forgotten memories of the times when, in her own way, my mom did things to show she cared.  I have replaced those old dishonoring stories with freshly healed stories. Occasionally, one of the bad stories will surface, but I remind myself to honor my mother and only tell the good ones.

I have found I can honor people as a way to bless the Lord. It can have little to do with the person or the position. He gives a promise of life to those who honor, and as He has healed me it has become easier to keep His commandments.